Your anxiety isn’t just in your head. It’s a warning sign about democracy.
To my disaffected readers, Trump supporters, die-hard Democrats and everyone in between, I’m glad you’re here. I need you to know that I’m grappling with what language to use to ensure that I am as responsible and accurate as I can be while discussing the very real threats to democracy — and humanity — that we’re facing. This may sting, but please stick with me.
In their first three weeks in office, President Trump and his allies in government have attempted to end Constitutionally-protected birthright citizenship, to redirect federal funding already approved by Congress and to dismantle the U.S. Agency for International Development. The administration has moved to purge the F.B.I. of people who worked on the Jan. 6 Capitol attack investigation. Trump banned words and scientific research that recognize people's differences, and proposed an illegal takeover of the Gaza Strip, which would displace millions of Palestinians in violation of international law. And as judges block many of the moves for violating constitutional protections and federal law, Vice President J.D. Vance has attempted to undermine the judiciary — an equal branch of government — by attacking judges who blocked the executive orders.
In light of this, I am reflecting on the following words: authoritarian, constitutional crisis, coup, ethnic cleansing, fascism, and genocide, to start. These all affect mental health and democracy, and I will be working on a piece in which I’ll share my thoughts on each and why I am or am not using certain terms. Before then, though, I want to be clear about one word: Normal.
: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern : characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine
Racism is normal in America. Bigotry is normal. Classism is normal. Sexism is normal. Be it a Democrat or a Republican in charge, the criminalization and dehumanization of people of color, the poor and people with disabilities and mental illness have long been normal in America. We have collectively enabled these harms.
You might not like this and, if that’s the case, please sit with that discomfort a moment. You may be feeling cognitive dissonance.
: psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously
Tension can occur when your beliefs don’t line up with your actions (e.g. “Assaults on the Constitution are bad, but I’m not going to do anything about it.”), or when you’re holding two conflicting beliefs at once (e.g. “Trump is good, but pardoning people found guilty of seditious conspiracy and assaulting police is bad”; or, “It’s good that President Biden said human rights and international law are important, but it’s bad he funded the mass killing and displacement of Palestinians.”).
This isn’t just a thought exercise. Cognitive dissonance can show up in your body.
It can manifest as anxiety, stress and physical tension in your neck, back and shoulders. It can make you feel guilt, shame or regret, or make you rationalize actions that you know don’t align with your values. It might make you dismiss or downplay things you maybe wish hadn’t happened but you didn’t do anything to stop. This all, in turn, can create real tension and conflict in your relationships.
Cognitive dissonance can be a good thing, because it is an internal signal that something is wrong. In this era of numbing and distraction, any time we can tune into a feeling is helpful. This piece of information doesn’t tell the whole story, but it is a clue that our values are being challenged by new information or social pressures, or that we’re being forced into decisions we don’t fully support. It’s an opportunity to examine our values, our moral compass and who we authentically are.
If you don’t want to live with the stress of cognitive dissonance because you don’t want racism to be normal, or you’d like the Constitution (designed to prevent a dictatorship) to outlast a single president’s personal whims, it’s a good time to check in with how you’re responding to these feelings. Are you swiping them away by scrolling through videos on Facebook or Instagram, or bingeing old episodes of LOST as I’ve been doing on Netflix? I understand if you need a break from the hard work, but I’d encourage you — and me — to improve some durable skills that will outlast any presidential administration.
When experiencing cognitive dissonance and faced with pressure or conflict, take a break and revisit the situation when you’ve had time to process, especially in toxic environments.
Use new information to challenge your beliefs — growth often comes from discomfort.
Gather more data and look for shades of gray. Living in a “black vs white” or “us vs them” binary state of mind is pretty stressful because it requires that we deny our own complexity in order to deny someone else’s.
While gathering more intel, go easy on the social media. It’s full of misinformation and disinformation. Try books. The library. It could be soothing for the ole brain and reconnect you with your community.
Align your actions with your values by being assertive about your needs and setting clear boundaries.
If you’re socializing and someone’s pressuring you to have a drink you know you’ll regret, say no and let them sit with their own cognitive dissonance. If you feel guilty for making tasteless jokes, don’t make tasteless jokes. I’ll practice with you. If you don’t want racism or sexism or homophobia to be normal, acknowledge they exist and that they’re harmful. Say this out loud to other people to oppose injustice and create safe spaces for people. Notice when you’re rationalizing the protection of one group over another. Check your gut and what’s fueling it.
If you want authoritarianism to become normal, then support — through silence — efforts to undermine checks and balances and shrug at the pardoning of seditionists who tried to stop the peaceful transfer of power. If you don’t like that politicians and unelected billionaires are protecting the wealthiest classes while vilifying the most vulnerable, find ways to build bridges across party lines, classes, races and genders in your hometown so that the people in power don’t hoodwink you into stripping away your own humanity.
German spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle writes in The Power of Now that if your current situation is “intolerable and makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.”
For many of us, leaving the United States is not an option. So if you don’t want the disregard for humanity, laws and the Constitution to be normal, you can do something to change it. Or you can accept it.
It’s up to you.
Programming notes:
If your inbox is flooded with Substack newsletters that you don’t read — maybe even mine (gulp) — here’s how to unsubscribe to reclaim some mental space.
To contact your elected officials, try this. Consider going hyper-local, like the state representative or senator for your hometown. These are not far-away issues.
I was reminded of Eckhart Tolle’s wisdom by artist and coach Lisa Yahne in this smart Instagram video.
This Wednesday, Feb. 12, at 8 pm EST / 7 p CST / 5 PST, law enforcement veteran and clinical psychologist Dr. Cedric Alexander and I will be streaming live on Substack, answering your questions and continuing our conversation about how accountability and psychological and physical safety impact wellbeing. Please mark your calendars, download the app, and join us.
Chinese writer Lu Xun more than a century ago: “Hope is like a path in the countryside. Originally, there is nothing — but as people walk this way again and again, a path appears.”
I’m late coming to this post but it has been healing for me. Lately I’ve been having interpersonal conflicts I regret and don’t understand. I know about cognitive dissonance but I have trouble engaging fully with it, mostly because my late mother, who was a psychoanalytic social worker isn’t here for me to talk to. She was, like you, someone who made connections between political realities, social justice and her training in psychology. I am so grateful to you, especially because you’re an investigative mind from the WaPo, just as I was. Thank you, thank you.